james

Why I am afraid of babies.

It`s not that I am afraid of being pooped on. It`s not that I am worried they will cry if I pick them up. I am not concerned that they might bring up on my shoulder when I am burping them. More, I am afraid that these pudgy little bobble-heads will get injured as a result of my not being careful enough.

I mean. . . for goodness sakes. They have a mushy little spot on the top of their heads, and all they ever do is fall head-first into stuff. . .And its not like they`re those bad guys in video-games, where the mushy spot on the top of their head is their only weakness. Everything injures a baby in SOME way. Even gentle cooing might have negative repercussions in a baby`s developing years. If I were to put a secret weak-point somewhere on the body, it would not be on the head. Maybe the armpit or on the inner thigh. . .someplace that isn`t at the apex of the stumbliest of all mammals.

Also, does anyone else get freaked out when they see someone tossing a baby up and down? I can`t think of anything less appropriate to do to a baby.

In conclusion, if I have a baby, it will wear a helmet.

Sincerely,

James

PS - The apostrophe is still broken. In its place, I have been using the `. Which kind of resembles an apostrophe.